I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
