Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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