sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
