i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
