Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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