I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
