my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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