dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
