just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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