he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
