Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am available for nakedness
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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