I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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