His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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