So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
