His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Come share oat with me in your robe
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
