Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
