i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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