I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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