They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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