This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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