Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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