i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
