I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize