Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Randomize
