i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My balls are so social today.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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