Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
