I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drunk is a universal language darling
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize