just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
