guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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