I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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