he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
