Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
