I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
