my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
