I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
