I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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