Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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