If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
