peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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