As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
