So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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