R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize