and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
