YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
