I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
