Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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