shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
