she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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