Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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