my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
