I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize