Having a random hookup so left but love u
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
