your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I forget how to act sober
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
