I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
