Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize