It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
