u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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