Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
