stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize