Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
