So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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