when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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