Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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