some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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