I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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