Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
