He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
