Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
