It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
