i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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