Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
