I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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