Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm always down for nudity.
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