I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize