i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
