Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he was CRYING into my vagina
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
