Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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