I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
