omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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