No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
