guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
