I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
