Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
