I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
