paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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