Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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