Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
