He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
