After last night, I could never be a politician.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
