She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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