i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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