One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
