The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
