Pappa wants mamma naked
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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