Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
