oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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