dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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