my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
