His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
