My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
