I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i think i have two assholes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
