i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
