So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
