oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
