i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
