Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
