maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
