can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
