I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
