should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize