GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
