You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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